Sleepless Nights

Disclaimer: Some of the contents in this post might not seem appropriate. Reader discretion is strongly advised.

So next week would be the interview week. I can't say that I've prepared myself well, since I will never thought that way anyway. In medicine, there is no such thing as being heavily prepared.There's only choices between barely prepared or not prepared at all, regardless how many times you've spent revising your notes. Or at least that's what most of us thought.

However it is, the main thing that bothers my mind is that being in the working environment again. To be honest, sometimes it is about the people that I work with, the building, and even the parking space. Okay that's just ridiculous. But most of the time it's about the side of me that progressively change into something that scares the crap out of me.

See, I am never good in handling stress. Those 6 years studying abroad didn't really help that much but it managed to make me realize that I'm not one of them people who could manage stress successfully. I  have always wondered if ever I am going to heal from this type of disorder. I am always scared that I might loose my marbles due to stress. That's undeniable.

This is never a monkey's business. Medicine juggles with people; most of the time feelings, lives and times are always sacrificed. To realize that now I have even bigger responsibilities towards a patient's life, it sure does scare me more. I was never a big fan of the 'Dr' title anyway. Bearing the title constantly reminds me that I took an oath of helping others and that it would be my fault for not being responsible.

I really wish that I can download some app to prep myself towards becoming a better person. But this i just me. Sigh.