Pachinko parlor

1. Today I told someone close to me that I think that I have lost the ability to have a decent conversation with other human being. Just a small talk after saying 'Hello' and before saying 'Goodbye'. I find it really difficult to fill in the gap with an interesting topic to talk about. I don't even know how to talk/speak properly either. And it is all because of the act isolating myself from everyone else that I took up some time ago as a bad habit.

2. There will be a themed dinner party around mid December. A farewell party for all of us. The themed that's been agreed by all is 'Glamour' and sadly, I don't have any idea how should I dress for the event.

3. My research is done. Now it's time to do magic with Microsoft Excel and SPSS 16. I don't even know where to begin with this one. -___-

4. I had light coffee around 6 hours earlier and I am still restless and a bit agitated. Just not as much as I felt a couple of hours after consuming it. That was far worst that this one right now. Coffee is yummy but the aftermath is just unbearable.

5. I suppose Saturday will be a busy day for me. Dear God, please ease out the path for me.

Sweet zesty lemon curd filling

Sorry for not updating this blog for a while. I'm just... lazy. There you go. The best reason ever and it stands for itself.

I haven't been doing anything interesting and I didn't even go to any new diner in town. I think the best word that I am able to describe about this stuff going on is what I refer to as the hibernating era. The time where I don't need to see sick people every day and meet scary as hell doctors. I also love the fact that I don't have any night/day shifts for this approximately 3 months. Best feeling ever!

You can say that I might be going overboard with it but seriously who doesn't love wearing pajamas all day long? Well, if not pajamas then even shirt and sleeping pants are always comfy. Nobody can resist that one. This is the time where I can have not only breakfast, but lunch, high tea, dinner or even supper in bed. Just act like you are a lazy sloth who...laze around? Yup, that's quite about it.

No need to be worried because all this stuff happens for a reason. I don't purposely laze around like that. Are you kidding me? I'm currently in the Community Medicine department. And my coursework is doing a research. Research is tad boring and not appealing to me. But whatever. Just as long as I can get the 9-12 pm working hours and no night/day shifts, then that's more than enough for me.

That's what's happening to me currently. And now let's get back to the 'research' business. For your information, the so-called research that I mentioned previously is starting tomorrow. Just for a couple days I hope. Then I can go back doing my business. Haha.

I will try my best to update my blog whenever you know, I'm not lazier than usual. Lol. Have a nice Sunday!

Pop-up bedtime story book

It feels weird when you know that you do have something to accomplish yet in the mean time you do nothing to fulfill that mission. I don't know what went wrong or who was the culprit or what was the infamous reason behind it. I just don't. And I keep doing it over and over again. I'm not even bored doing it. The lazying around part is always the best.

Which reminds me to Google out some motivational blogs or websites for people like me. But wait, motivational stuff won't do any good either. The moment when I finally finish reading all the motivational vomit and decide then to close the tab, that's the moment when I know that I will still do the stuff that I always do. Urgh. It sounds disgusting more than ever when I tried to convey them into words. I must not do this again next time.

I'm sorry. It's so tempting you know.

Peacock tail is never a monkey's business

I cannot believe that my baby sister is sitting for her SPM today! It seems like just yesterday she was just a baby and now all grown up and about to be a lady already. She's even bigger and taller than me. Sheesh. Makes me feel inferior. But it's okay, to think on the bright side, I'll always have a personal bodyguard. Lol!

Living away from home and family sometimes makes me think that maybe the real children of my parents are just my 4 younger sisters and brothers. Compare to them, I'm the only one who treats my home as an R&R. Blame medicine instead. Or my benefactor for throwing me in exile on this little island. Or just don't blame anything or anyone. That's the best solution. Hmm. I think I might drifted far away from my main focus of today's post. I sincerely apologize for that.

Anyway, to my dearest baby sister, good luck and do your very best in your exams. I sincerely hope from the bottom of my heart that you will pass with flying colors  Just go make our parents proud. That's the best advice that I can give to you. The feeling that you'll get when you see your parents face and deep down you just know that they are very proud of their child, is always priceless.

So, ganbatte ne! Much love and hugs from your lovely sister :p

Sugar sugar, honey honey

Since I don't really have anything interesting to write as a decent opening, let me just tell you a secret. Before that can you kindly scroll down until you find a picture of a chocolate cake? Got it? Good. Now, the secret is that I know who made it! 

It was... me who baked it, obviously. Otherwise how could I manage to get a cheap quality picture like this one below since I wasn't using any high end digital camera like others do. Pity me. But anyway, I still manage to get this one which I personally think that it turned out quite convincing.

This picture was dated last Sunday, and the real thing has long gone by now. I am not saying that I'm the best cook ever (in a cocky tone), since I believe that every one has cooking potential that can be polished. It's either you are up for the challenge or not. Oh, but if cooking is in everybody's blood, I guess we cannot refer it as a talent anymore?

I don't know the answer and should I leave that one for you to figure out. 

It has been a hectic week for me and I am really gad that Friday has finally arrived. Sadly I still need to go to the hospital tomorrow. But I am definitely up for cake hunting after those boring working hours.

To you guys whom are experiencing terrible, nasty, heavy rain like I do at my place currently, please please please take a good care of yourself. Cc to me too. Bye!

Ad-lib yet out of range

Hello there. Nice to meet you. Let's have a quick conversation with each other. But obviously, I'm the one whom will do the talking/writing part and you could try your very best to be a very good listener. Although virtually I cannot see or even hear what you say, why don't you just give it a try. It won't hurt, I promise.

No, I definitely won't talk about the weather. And absolutely not anything related to medicine. But maybe something random, like the day that I've figured out my new talent; to be able to see clearly who's straight or gay. I think that that's kind of interesting. But not the type of conversation you would want to have in real life? Okay okay, I'm not discussing about that. The more I think about the subject the more disturbing it gets. I feel you. So don't worry.

Let's change the topic. Let's talk about something else. Like...

Well, I've been staring the computer screen for a while but nothing pops in mind. My mind is all dull and rusty I didn't even bother to polish it ever since. It is official that the things that I prefer to talk about with outsiders/strangers or even with my friends only revolves around the world of medicine that I live in. 'Shut up!' as what Mia in The Princess Diaries would say. This cannot be happening. But could I ever change this introvert part of me?

I need good social skills a.s.a.p.

Neutralizer

I need to put this one put this one up right after the previous post just to neutralize my blog's atmosphere. I know I've violated my own oath by posting one emotional post. I am terribly sorry for that.

This picture is from last night's pillow talk with my beloved Mama. As you can see, my Abah's face was really fresh from the bed or more like a sleepy zombie I guess. Haha. So funny.

I miss you guys the most. Do pray for me :)

Break me

I think that I have finally reached the phase where I just don't give any $#!* that happened. This time I'll just go through whatever this is with whatever piece of hearts I have left. Violated and irritating would be the best words for what I'm referring to. Sadly, I have to accept that as if I have no rights for myself at all.

Mind you, I'm not saying that Medicine is hard. I love Medicine. It's really damn interesting. Studying Medicine gives me all the answers that I've always wanted to know. Medicine is fun.

The one thing that I'm referring to which gruesome and dirty is the hardships of living in this tiny island, this particular country to be precise. I don't know why would they do too many ridiculous regulations just to make sure that we all would suffer. I seriously don't get why wouldn't they just create one effective system and just abide by it anyway? Things will never make any sense here. It never does.

I am currently of my 3rd week in Anesthesiology department. I had 6 shifts for my 1st week, another 6 shifts for my 2nd week and 4 shifts for my 3rd week. But since I went to meet my doctor (since she's currently not staying in the same hospital that I do) for assignment discussion, on the day that all of us needed to attend some stupid event that we never get any benefit at all to be precise, I was punished by adding another 2 shifts this week! If you do the math, that'll be 18 shifts for 3 consecutive weeks.

Seriously, every Tuesday is supposed to be the day whereby every practical students will have their time to go and meet their doctors for discussion. And this is what I get? Punished with another 2 shifts added to this week? Even though I did abide by the rules?

Now do tell me how am I suppose to get my assignment done? When do I have time to actually read a book and study? When actually do I have time to complete that stupid logbook?

Oh, and here's the thing. If you're someone's big shot's daughter, I swear by heaven and hell that your life will be ultimately spot on. smooth and flawless. No doctors would want to punish you or even pick on you and you'll be treated like a princess, literally.

The doctor's world is always cruel. Fml.

p.s. Supposedly, the rules are 6 shifts for the 1st week, 4 shifts for the 2nd week, 3 shifts for 3rd week and 2 shifts for the 4th week. How can I not be angry?

Like a hard candy with a surprise center

I can't believe that the weekend is here! It seems like I've just left Forensic department yesterday and now here I am, with almost one week full of un-shampooed hair. Disgusting, I know. Try to picture me with Severus Snape's greasy hair. I just can't help it.

You know, the worst part or should I say in a more appropriate word, troublesome part of clinical years is the on-calls. I am never fond of on-calls. Before I elaborate more, for your information, our medical faculty here is a wee bit different from almost every other medical faculties in the world. The on-calls part to be per se.

We, as clinical years medical students do have on-calls. And it differs from each departments. Allow me to remind you that there are no such thing as a limit for working hours here. One can stay in a certain hospital for as long as 30 days a month without even a chance of going back home. Sick isn't it? I'm never telling you for how many hours have I been in a hospital. I don't think you'll ever believe that it's true.

Hmm. Let's just drop that part. See, I don't think on-calls are made for students, really. Maybe if they'll pay me for having on-calls, then I'll change my mind? Lol. I don't know.

The one and only reason for all the fuss is because I can't get my daily dosage of quality sleep. Sleeping has become my favorite past time. I'd rather stay at home and sleep in my precious bed than going out to mingle. I can't believe that I just confessed that one. But that's the truth. I come home everyday, tired, fatigue, and all I can see is just my bed. Period.

Hmm. But that's just the flow here. I just need to bear with it for some time till this is all over.

I need to tell you something, I seriously love to sleep.

Night! :)

Shangri-la

When she was just a girl

She expected the world

But it flew way from her reach so

She ran away in her sleep

and dreamed of paradise

Every time she closed her eyes

When she was just a girl

She expected the world

But it flew way from her reach

And the bullets catch in her teeth

Life goes on, it gets so heavy

The wheel breaks the butterfly

Every tear a waterfall

In the night the stormy night she'll close her eyes

In the night the stormy night away she'd fly

Possibilities, Potentials, Fat Chances

1. I have reached the final week of Forensics department. Yesterday was my case presentation day and I barely survived through it. As the matter of fact, I'm not a public-speaking person. I can't talk in front of a crowd. It creeps me out. Even if I have prepared myself well the night before, the outcome is always the same. My adrenaline rush never fails to prove me that whatever I do, I'll still lose to him, big time. Not to forget that sweaty palms and feet, heart thumping very hard and almost jump out of the chest and to that cracked voice that never fails me. Painful to watch.

2. I'd love to write more, if you know what I mean. I tend to have this some sort of ideas of what to write next but just like that, the ideas fly away. Like the feelings you get when having sugar rush. Very... agitated? Or anxious. I don't know which one really.

3. Google-ing cute cats/kittens/baby tigers/baby jaguars videos are thrilling. I'm not a big fan of human baby  but baby animals are always a yes! Haha. Actually, I always add another description why I'm not fond of human babies that much, but I guess it's not that appropriate and too provocative to begin with. So let's just settle with my previous statement.

4. I secretly wish that Cardiology department will soon be joining Internal Medicine. So that I can cut short one precious month. But you know, rumors are rumors till they happen to be true.

5. Back to talking about Forensics. It's so damn scary to study whatever written in the books or even lecture slide. I can't stand looking/staring at the insanely scary pictures. Sigh, remind me why I want to be a doctor again?

6. We all have fair chances. Potentials to become anything. It makes you believe in possibilities. We just need to know how to use them well. The fat chances I meant.

Till then, good night.

Perfectionism

*This is not a sponsored post, just barely a consumer's point of view :)

While I was walking to my workplace yesterday morning, I decided to stop by at the nearby mini mart to buy some snacks. Okay, actually that part is not true. I purposely stop by at the mini mart to buy the brand new Magnum Gold! For breakfast! Haha.

This one up here. Looks insanely delicious. I saw the ad a few weeks ago and been searching for it ever since. And since this little island is a wee bit far from the technology and modernization, it takes a quite long time for the ice cream to reach here. Regardless, I'm still relieved that they finally decided to ship some of it for citizens of this little island including yours truly.

I had ice cream for breakfast. And I still can't believe that one Magnum Gold has almost 490 kcal in it. It gave me sugar rush, I tell you. But in a good way anyway. See, I'm trying hard to count my calories and by having an ice cream it really helps a lot by increasing my total calorie count. Good guy, Magnum Gold. Haha.

Referring to the title 'Perfectionism', I once considered myself a perfectionist. But soon as I live my life, the term perfectionism seems to fade away little by little and finally... gone. I can't keep being a perfectionist while the world around me succeeded in giving the best %#!% they ever had. So I improvise. To cope with the imperfections that I have instead of the perfect things that I've always wished for.

Hmm. I'm still learning though, not that I mean that I can cope that easily.

Have a great Sunday!

An understatement

To those who are not really familiar with comics like me, to be precise One Piece, I present to you, Tony Tony Chopper. Sheesh. This is all my sister's fault. Well, not actually her fault at all. I was chatting with her on Facebook just now, and she told me to get her this one little teddy bear called Tony Tony Chopper. And of course I didn't have any clue what that really is. But since she mention the word 'cute' then I've already guessed that it must be some little teddy bear in some comic book. She even asked me to Google it myself. So funny she is.

What makes this little teddy bear interesting is... the price! Can you believe that it costs around 200 myr each? Hahaha. I must be crazy. She must be crazy too. Crazy over this Tony guy here I meant. By the way, Tony Tony Chopper is a really cute name. I wonder who came up with the idea to give him that name.

Going to bed now. Sweet dreams everyone! :)

Not so loquacious?

It's 9.30 in the evening according to the local timezone. And I am barely awake with puffy eyes and not-so-presentable face. I don't know what's wrong with me but just so you know I've slept for a straight of 5 hours today. I hope I can still sleep later tonight.

Anyway, rumor has it that this little island is currently experiencing drought. It hasn't rain for almost 3 and 1/2 consecutive weeks I think. Last time that it rained was during the last few days of Ramadan. But it was barely raining back then. Just a mist like that. The sun seems like showing off his best everyday too.

Now, let's relate this drought with my life. My current working hours is from 8 am till 2 pm. Since I needed to travel to and fro by using the public transportation, 2 pm has become the most gruesome time of day. I need to endure the hotness and sweat and fumes and everything. Gosh this list will never ever end. In other words, it means that I have 1 more reason for me to stay at home.

To those who know me well, it's not a surprise that I prefer being home than being outside. Especially when I have a cool and cozy room despite the melekit-ness outside. Lol. Plus, I hate being tanned. I don't mind people calling me puteri lilin or what. I just believe that whenever I got myself a sunburn it's so damn hard to get back my old skin. Not that I'm saying that I have fair, flawless skin or things like that la. Just to make it clear. *peace*

I guess I'm done with talking about this little island, the weather and my fragile skin. I found this one below from Dr Halina's blog. I have to admit that I am one of her avid reader. I find it interesting, though her writing is mostly about mommyhood. I always try to see it from a mom-working-as-a-doctor point of view. Hehe.

She recently posted about med school. For those who didn't know, she's an anesthesiologist. Kinda cool if you ask me. So, what do I have in mind? Erm,  I do have something in mind. But I'm not ready to share it publicly. It's a bit embarrassing. Haha. Intriguing means more fun right?!

I have a presentation tomorrow morning about 'Wound Description'. Wish me luck. And good night!

The doppelganger

Haha! I found the doppelganger for someone close that I know! I won't tell who because nobody would ever believe me. It's just from my point of view I guess. But if you really try to look close there are several resemblance. Like the eyebrows, those arched lips and eyes. Hmm. But the eyes were never that baby blue, it's more of light hazel-ish. But it's close!

Have a great day ahead!

p.s. to you, you seriously look a lot like Bella Heathcote! The long lost sister, I say.

Omg!

I know 'Omg!' isn't an appropriate word to put up as  post title. But I just can't resist this one. Seriously.









Well, what can I say. The perfect Grey ever. Period.
;)

*photos credit here and here and here.

Irresistible

I think I watched television series too much. Not that much actually. I basically watch the first episode of some series and if I find it interesting I'll marathon finishing the whole 1 or 2 season asap. So here's the story, I recently started to watch Hawaii Five-0 and sure enough amazingly, I'm hooked to it. From my personal point of view, it's a typical cops-solving-homicide cases-chasing-bad-guys kinda story. With of course cute hunks with utterly hot bods! Omg, I drool every time I see 'em. Lol.

Typical. I know. But watching this one makes me dream for something beyond imagination. You see, they put clips of heavenly beautiful beaches and people enjoying/having fun with the crystal clear sea water in between the actual story line. The more I see the islands, beautiful beaches, perfect weather, the more I desire to live in one of those islands. It must be so refreshing to wake up to the sound of the most exquisite mother nature. And who doesn't love beaches, right?

Unfortunately, I'm still stuck in this little below-the-expectation island, far away from home. And jeez, I'm scared of tsunamis and earthquake and volcano eruptions. Maybe by the time that I seriously considering on living in such island, I should really dispose my paranoid side of me first. Or else it won't be any fun at all!

This post somehow reminded me of the video that this guy and his friend made recently. Haha. RyanHiga and VictorKing is so damn funny!

-end-

*picture credit to google

To live life to the fullest

Frankly speaking, I'm no professional to give out tips on how to live like that. Personally, I always hope for rainbows and butterflies everyday. I never wanted sandstorm or hurricane in the middle of a bright and handsome day.Yet, things just don't come out as smoothly as the texture of whipped cream on top of a cup of sweet caramel frappucino. It's more or less like a tub of Rocky Road ice cream; filled with the sweet, creamy, chocolatey pleasure and various bunch of delicious nuts scattered evenly just to make sure that every spoonful is perfectly enough for you to have your taste buds heightened.

Unfortunately, my survival tips which I think is super cool and awesome is not a great one. Instead of hoping for fireworks and little pixies, I tend to emphasize on the things that I don't have or need to have very badly. Which is so not healthy. It seems like my spell has backfired. My initial plan was to make happiness as my goal but I think I almost end up being somewhat miserable and hopeless. I thought that by concentrating on the good things that can/will happen to me can give me the 'happiness' that I yearned for. Something is just so wrong, I bet.

I might need a greater spell to counter the latter. I need to reconstruct my plan of happiness. I'll prove myself that my survival tips is a great one!

Trifle-ed

Aaaaaand, voila!



So this was what I made for Raya last week. One of the desserts. Impressed? No need to be. Difficulty level is like reciting ABC in kindergarten only. Hmm. Homesick la you know?! Random.

Immitation

Hey there, how's life? Had enough of ketupat, rendang, lemang, kuah kacang and kuih raya etc etc already? It's only the 7th day of Eid and I bet there's still loads of 'Open Houses' in waiting list to attend to. Just a friendly reminder, keep in mind  that you might want to keep your lean and weightless body like the one you had during the fasting month. Not that I'm jealous of with glorious amount of food in Malaysia which I do secretly. Lol.

Actually, I don't have much to write. Hmm. Nope, I think I knew what I wanted to write but suddenly the thoughts just vanished in thin air. I don' know what had happened before that part. Anyway, holiday has ended and work has resumed. I don't know what's wrong with this people here, but I think that they don't really celebrate Eid as much as we do back in our motherland. No hard feelings.

Again, I wish you guys Selamat Hari Raya Maaf Zahir dan Batin. Have fun with your food galore for this whole month!



1st Eid 2012
With friends
On a little island, far far away

Post-it notes

That's me and my younger sister. About a couple of hundred or thousand years back, maybe. Gosh, I'm definitely old.


And soon after there's five of us altogether. I guess time really fly damn fast huh? Or maybe time is being super jealous with us? I'm not sure about that.


Anyway, those two people (right and center) are always the ones that I loved the most plus the other 4 little rascals. By the way, I can't seem to find a decent picture of my parents together without any of their children interfering. Lol.

I can't believe that Ramadan is almost over. I can't even believe that Eid is around the corner! Now seriously, time, what's wrong with you?

Just in case, if you would like to know how am I doing, currently I'm doing fine. Good things and not so good things happen all the time. Life is a good mash of those two. It's just the matter of how well you cope with it. And I'm still learning and trying to accept that as humble as I can.

Enough with these random ramblings, I hope you guys take care!
Don't miss me that much :)

C'est la Vie

Not so gibberish

1. My Surgery department exam is postponed to Monday.
2. After drawing straws, I was unlucky because I got the killer examiner.
3. My examiner is a Neurosurgeon, which means that probably I'll be dead as soon as 2 seconds after meeting him.
4. I'm starting another department, Forensic for 6 consecutive weeks. Then, the Anesthesiology department is waiting for me. And the list goes on and on as usual.
5. I can't wait to finish my studies.
6. I lost count for how many days have we Muslim fast. Maybe I did it purposely. Maybe because the loneliness feeling being away from family is too hurtful.
7. I can see my gaunt reflection in my mirror. My cheekbones and jaw are protruding like I have never seen them in a million years.
8. I don't know how may kilos have I lost till today.
9. I frequently feel cold everyday. Maybe due to loss of what's left of my adipose tissue.
10. I wish for a Doraemon as my pet so that I can walk through his 'pintu suka hati' anytime and anywhere I want.

Anywhoo, dear the Almighty, I'm praying for the safety and happiness of my beloved people, my Mama, Abah, younger sisters and baby brothers. Though I am so far away from them, please keep them safe. Please give your blessings upon them so that they'll live their daily lives under your rahmat each and everyday. Please give them courage and hope to face through everything that you've planned for them. I beg for sincere forgiveness as I'm only a humble human being whom have done too much wrongdoings towards you. Ameen.

Sociopath

Anticipation

It is coming in approximately less than a week. I bet everybody's looking forward for it. The fasting month is just around the corner. As for me, this will be the last time that I'm going to celebrate fasting month and Aidilfitri away from home. It's kind of sad to think that through all this 5 years studying abroad, I was only home once to celebrate Aidilfitri with my family. 

Hmm. This year, it's a lot different. Almost all of my batch mates are going to be home to be with their respective families during these festive months. I just need to put aside those unwanted-negative-sad feeling for a while. 

Just think of the bright side. I'm already half way there. I just need that much of courage to finish off this last half a mile. Aaaaaaaaaand I'll be home for good. Wow! I can't wait to say that for real! Hahaha.

Anyway, happy fasting everyone! May you be blessed each and every day. :)

Disturbing fact

Makes me feel like losing the battle even before the war starts.
Sent from my AXIS Worry Free BlackBerry® smartphone

Warheads

1. Sometimes, I thought that I might have chosen the wrong career. I should have become an army instead. You know, mentally and physically strong (tough enough to become a doctor afterwards).

2. I miss Zoo Negara.

3. Rumor has it that only couples who are married for >1 year will be considered to get the same hospital for the 2-years of Housemanship.

4. I'm currently 9th week of Surgery. Unlike pregnancy (which will end by 38-42 weeks), Surgery will terminate by 11th week.

5. Which means I'm dead. There's so much to study and I haven't started anything yet. It's like you know that you will going to be admitted to the delivering room soon but you haven't made any preparations e.g. babyclothes, pacifier, bib, parenting yet.

6. There's a lot in my mind and sometimes I do think that maybe I have a ticking bomb in my brain. Gosh, please calm down, will you?

7. I think that I'm sleep deprived. But to tell you the truth, I sleep like a log for a minimum of 6 hours every day. I'm regretting this.

8. I feel like there's something that I need to do. The urge of finding something. What is it?

9. I take up watching Running Man and reading Calvin & Hobbes as a daily routine. For my source of happiness. Literally means to forget the chaotic life that I'm currently living in.

10. What will happen when I have no more Running Man to watch? Or no more Calvin & Hobbes to read?

11. I think that currently I'm having flight of ideas. You know, I had coffee at 4 in the morning. Coffee's nice but it'll cause me to act like I'm having some sort of anxiety disorder.

12. Maybe my body cannot cope well with a good shot of caffeine yet. I wonder when it will get use to it.

The end. For now.

P.s. Terribly sorry for the broken English. I can't think straight for the moment. I'll come back to you later.
Sent from my AXIS Worry Free BlackBerry® smartphone

Daily dosage of happiness

Sent from my AXIS Worry Free BlackBerry® smartphone

Self Motivation

Hihihi ;)

The Final Return

I am a medical student. Currently I am in my 5th and final year of Medicine. Right now I am going through my Surgery rotation which will end in approximately 5 weeks. Which means that I have 6 remaining rotations to go through my final year.

I can't lie that I am not at least one bit excited about graduating from a medical school. Who wouldn't want to go to work and gain your own money after 5+ years of studying? To tell you the I am more anxious. And worried. If I can say so.

What's serving me afterwards in the real world must be something horrible and gruesome. Nobody said that being a doctor is tad simple. It requires blood and sweats before you reach the top.That's what has been bothering my mind for a while.

It's a mixed feeling. Excited but at the same time anxious and worried. Well actually the excited part would be only 5% from the total feeling. You do the math. And you tell me how worried I am.

Severe vs Chronic

I was down with flu a couple of days ago. Let's refresh together. Three days ago I went for a movie date. I haven't seen any movies for ages so I've decided to go for Snow White and the Huntsman. But you know what, I'm not really a big fan of Kristen Stewart. Since everyone's talking about the move so I guess heck, why don't I give it a try. The movie was okay. Not bad. But the ending part was a bit disappointing. Hmm. And I am still not a big fan of Kristen Stewart. I wonder why. I thought I loved her when I saw her in Panic Room. Hmm.

Anyways, I think the reason that I caught flu was because of me going out. I knew that I can't go out. I'll catch strange things from the world outside. That's why I prefer being in my comfy room no matter what. Oh, have I ever told you about my seductive Mr Bed? Haha. I'll put up a post about my room later.

I'm all better now (I hope so). (I believe that) I'm feeling healthier than yesterday.

Till we meet again. Bye bye!

Sent from my iPod

This bunch of people

Putrajaya, 1st May 2012

That I missed the most.

Priorities

*clears throat*

First things first. What do you think about my blog? It has changed (into something better) right? I think it's more lively than it was before. No, actually I almost thought that I should throw my blog into a treasure chest and bury it some where nobody knows. If ever somebody finds it they'll put a frown on their faces because all they found is just an old, rusty, abandoned blog. Lucky I did a second thought about it.

It feels like centuries ago since my last post. But I have my good reasons for being indifference for a while. I was in my Obstetrics and Gynecology rotation (where I realized that only crazy people who would want to pursue in this field of medicine) for about 3 months since end of February till late April. That's the time when whenever I reached home, all I can think of is my one and only love, my precious bed.

I was cut off from the real world during that period of time. I know nothing about what's happening to the world but screaming patients with an alien (or two) coming out of their lady parts. Come to think about it, I'm terribly sorry that I sometimes did curse them patients for being too spoiled that they screamed, cried and didn't give any cooperation during labor. I know that it's a bad thing to do. I'll try to change it in time.

So anyway, I made my comeback. Omg, I just realized that I made that statement like as if I'm some famous celebrity. Haha. Just kidding. I'm currently in my Surgery rotation. For 3 months. So far, I like the subject but I hate the people in it. These surgeons are arrogant people. Hmm. Maybe they inquire arrogance as one of their criteria to be recruited as surgeons. I don't know.

Sometimes when I sleep at night, I do wish that when I wake up tomorrow morning it will be the day that I graduated from medicine. I'm wishing for it so hard that sometimes I even had the same dream over and over again. She's a psycho (every fingers point to me).

Oh, by the way let me give you the metaphors of medicine from my point of view. I don't know whether the others do think the same way as I do or not. So here it goes...

Surgery rotation = Grey's Anatomy
Obstetrics & Gynaecology rotation = The Private Practice
Internal Medicine = House
The Specialists of medicine = Royal Pains

But I don't think that it's entirely relatable though. I'm just giving you guys the idea what I'm doing on a daily basis (but minus the cute guys and all the super cool stuffs you happen to see in TV) but double or triple the drama.

Talking about drama, I need to confess that I am so sick of it. I still remember my first few rotation that I've been through. It was messy. I'm trying to believe that it gets less messier as time passed by. You can never imagine the tears I shed during these 2 years. I think if I collected all of my tears it'll be as big as the Salt Lake. I'm not kidding you.

They said, to be a doctor you need to be tough. I know what that means. I've heard too many stories already. It's just that it's hard to break my personality into someone whom I'm not.

I'm not writing about this any longer. To conclude my post today, I present to you the so-called-hardest-ever tongue twister:

"Sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick"

Now, try to read the phrase 10 times in under 10 seconds. Good luck!:)
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Misery

Wow. Okay. First of all, how should I start this with? Omg I'm so excited I couldn't even think about what to write first. Keep calm. But let me assure you that what I'm going to tell might not interest you as much as it interest me. Maybe I should start by telling what happen a few days before...

So anyway, last week I stumbled upon Maroon 5's web page. And guess what?! They're having a concert in Jakarta on the 5th October this year!

Then, last night my sister told me that BIGBANG is having a tour on the 13th October 2012. What a coincidence!



Just by thinking about these two concerts gives me adrenaline rush. Haha. Wow, I can't believe that I can put this 2 together in a post. But you know what. I don't think that I'll make it to either of them. Even though I know how much I want it.

Hmm. I'll think of a way then.

P.s. you do know what the dates are meant for right?

Guillotine

Lost

My apologies

Dearest my beloved Mom and Dad and the rest of my family member,
I am doing fine out here. It's just that life has been very hectic nowadays and I can't seem to find time to get in touch with you guys. I'm sorry if I made you worried for not calling home. I'll try to make time to do so. But to tell you the truth I seriously don't think I can for the mean time. What an excuse right?! Hmm, but I'll try anyways. No worries. Last but not least, don't miss me much guys. I know you guys cried yourselves in your sleep when you think of me. Hehe.
Lots of love,
Your lovely and adorable daughter
P.s peace! :)
Sent from my iPod

E.T.

Go figure.

The Art of Missing

Nasi lemak, nasi ayam, nasi tomato, nasi minyak, nasi kerabu, nasi dagang, nasi planta, nasi kandar, nasi goreng kampung, nasi goreng cina, nasi goreng pattaya, kari daging, kurma ayam, masak lemak cili padi, masak merah, masak kicap, masak taucu, masak black pepper, padprik, sup ikan merah, sup tulang, sup daging, sup ayam, ikan bawal steam sweet sour, rendang, kuah kacang, ketupat, lemang, pulut panggang, kuih cara, kuih bakar, kuih lapis, karipap, kuih keria, cubadak, seri muka etc etc.

I jotted those down on my pocket book and realized how much my stomach grumbled that other night. It was more than just those above actually.

Sadly, I only have some pancake mix which I brilliantly turned into cekodok. Not a good one of course. -____-

I feel like throwing up.
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In a Nutshell

This is not a post in reply to any comments. Just like every other posts, this one is also random. It's just that I bet every blogger must have at least once written about why he/she made a blog. Now, I guess it's my turn.

I started blogging since 2008 actually. Believe it or not, my blog has aged. It's coming up 3 years already. Nope, almost 4 I think. Back then I used to post anything and everything that I have in mind. It doesn't matter what's the issue, I just type and post it. Simple as that.

Then in late 2010, I realized that my blog has became one of the blogs that people wouldn't want to visit. There's too much of hatred, frustrations and all other kinds of negative feelings. Then I thought it's time for a change. Honestly, it's hard to remove all those posts at first. I mean it, literally.

But I eventually did it! Hooray!

By the way, you might have been wondering 'Man, how on earth does this girl has the nerve to write in English?' Or maybe 'Oh my God, her English is so poor. She needs to stop trying'. Yup, I know how poor my English is. Frankly, I didn't come up to write my thoughts in English so that I can be accepted by the society. It's just that I need to brush it up before it gets reaally dusty.

No pain in trying, no?

P.s. I'm distracting myself. No biggie.
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Jack of All Trades

I can't believe that I've reached up to my 100th post! What I can't believe either is that 2011 has finally come to its end. And of course, the current trending topic would be circulating around new year's resolution.

I'm not going to blab about my new year's resolution. I've made one long list last year and I don't think I've accomplished them all. So I am going to stick with those and just try my best to be happy.

Nonetheless, I'd love to change some part of me. The weird and bad at the same time. For those who doesn't know me, I'm not a really friendly person. I don't talk to strangers or even my own friends that easy. As for me, talking is super hard.

I've had (and God knows how much I still remember) weird conversations with other people. Some of them were when I asked people about what their nicknames are and why wouldn't they be called as something else (like seriously?) or when I tried to introduce myself in front of a crowd of people whom I met for the first time and my voice couldn't come out (like for real). Yup, I'm a nerve wreck.

So, most of the time, I'll do what I'm best at; preserving silence. I bet people would call me snobbish or anything else with the same meaning. I wish I could change that with a blink of eye but sadly it doesn't work that way.

Sometimes, this part of me is a big threat to my interpersonal relationships. I tend to do/say things that I didn't mean to (worst yet I myself didn't understand what's the purpose of doing it in the first place). It's complicated, right?

Hmm. Maybe I should grow my hair and live in tower far away from everyone.

That's all from me, thanks.
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