That rocky road

"I failed my way to success"


- Thomas Edison
Sent from my AXIS Worry Free BlackBerry® smartphone

Weirdly beautiful

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate:
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer's lease hath all to short a date:
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimm'd,
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance, or nature's changing course untrimm'd:
But thy eternal summer shall not fade,
Nor lose possession of that fair thou ow'st,
Nor shall death brag thou wander'st in his shade,
When in eternal lines to time thou grow'st,
So long as men can breathe, or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.

Sonnet #XVIII by William Shakespeare
Sent from my AXIS Worry Free BlackBerry® smartphone

Honeyblood

Current obsession; big, beautiful doe-eyed life-size doll.

Shirt and jeans

You know one thing about technology, it develops over time. Just see how much we depend on high-tech gadgets nowadays compare to 10 or 15 years back. I merely own a decent hand phone and I've got to admit that back then, I always thought that Windows in computers weren't user friendly.

And look where we are today. I see people with high-tech gadgets everyday, everywhere and every time. I'm not sure whether the fact that I'm working in the hospital and being among doctors and professors is the reason for it. Though I can relate them both actually. But to save time, let's just skip that part.

Bear in mind that I'm not writing a review about those crazy, futuristic, sophisticated, out-of-your-mind gadgets. Not even close to discussing how's hologram could be possible.

As they continue to develop technology, I wonder will there ever be any geniuses who had any thoughts about making happiness and patience as something that they would like to offer? Like a retail shop offering happiness and patience to customers. No other products but happiness and patience. The best part is, you will never have any limit for purchasing it.

They build freaking robots that can dance and talk like human for God's sake. There might've been smartphones with hologram in some months later. Why can't they create happiness?

Wouldn't it be nice if you can just buy all the happiness you want and lead a carefree life? If there's a store such for real, I'll be proud to say that I would be their loyal customer for a lifetime. No second thoughts of course.

Not that I lack happiness in life. It is just an imagination or you can call it a stupid daydream's idea. You know when they say imaginations can always bring you towards infinity.

Wait a minute. Is there any quotes like that for real? Lol. I hope that I'm not losing my marbles.

Hmm. I should stop daydreaming and do useful things instead. I have to.
Sent from my AXIS Worry Free BlackBerry® smartphone

Yes, you.

I was feeling a bit blue today. Basically because of the weather, my nose, my head and my warm body was killing me. I know that I won't scientifically die that instant from some common cold. But who knows, anything can happen right?

Back about feeling blue. I was feeling so sick and you know when suddenly all of the negative feelings come creeping inside you, infusing negative thoughts about you and other people. Yes, that part. In other word, it's the trigger for me to cry my eyes out.

I tried to hold that and decided to call my mom instead. Let me share you a secret, I always cry to my mom. Usually I call her and start to cry and all she does is laugh out loud. Weird eh? But it always make me feel better.

And I called her once and decided to cry right after I said hello but she started telling stories and I've lost that urge to cry. I thought I was feeling better. Sadly, after I hung up that nasty feeling came crawling inside me as if trying to get into where it belongs in the first place.

So I called my mom for the second consecutive time. Guess what? My mom asked me what had happened? I bet she was surprised because I never called her 2 times in a row. I always call her for a good half an hour and that's it.

I told her that I felt like crying and started crying instantly. (Oh well, I was fragile!) Anyway, do you know what my mom said? This time she didn't laugh at me. Instead she seriously suggested some new Japanese drama for me to watch! Haha. She asked me to grab a pencil and write down the name of that drama. And she convinced me to watch it every time I feel like crying.

I stopped crying that very moment and burst into laughter. My mom, she's the best. I'm feeling awesome now.

I got my mojo back!:)
Sent from my AXIS Worry Free BlackBerry® smartphone

It will rain

"If you ever leave me, baby

Leave some morphine at my door

Cause it would take a whole lot of medication

To realize what we used to have

We don't have it anymore

There's no religion that could save me

No matter how long my knees are on the floor

So keep in mind all the sacrifices I'm making

To keep you by my side

And keep you from walking out the door

Cause there'll be no sunlight

If I lose you baby

There'll be no clear skies

If I lose you baby

Just like the clouds

My eyes will do the same if you walk away

Everyday it will rain, rain, rain

I'll never be your mother's favorite

Your daddy can't even look me in the eye

If I was in their shoes, I'd be doing the same thing

Saying there goes my little girl

Walking with that troublesome guy

But there're just afraid of something they can't understand

Well little darling watch me change their minds

For you I try, I'll try, I'll try

I'll pick up these broken pieces 'till I'm bleeding

If that'll make it right

Cause there'll be no sunlight

If I lose you baby

There'll be no clear skies

If I lose you baby

Just like the clouds

My eyes will do the same if you walk away

Everyday it will rain, rain, rain

Don't just say goodbye

Don't just say goodbye

I'll pick up these broken pieces 'till I'm bleeding

If that'll make it right

Cause there'll be no sunlight

If I lose you baby

There'll be no clear skies

If I lose you baby

Just like the clouds

My eyes will do the same if you walk away

Everyday it will rain, rain, rain"

Yup. I'm currently listening to 'The Twilight Saga Breaking Dawn Part 1' original soundtrack. Well not all of the songs actually. But so far, I enjoyed listening to them. Fyi, I was going to write about how much it rains here and this song, well what should I say. I listen to the song because of the title. It reminds me of rain. And this little island. Should I explain about it some more? Nope, enough said.

Anyway, the problem is that it's already raining here in this little island. Not just cats and dogs, I bet there would've even be raining mackerels and sardines in some moments later. Like crazy rain. Like if raindrops are mackerels and sardines, I would've become the girl who died eating too much of mackerels and sardines. Is it even possible to OD on mackerels and sardines? By the way, why am I writing about the weather?

Oh, because it's hard to travel with this kind of weather. Plus there's some huge construction everywhere. There are just more and more of piling mud and floods. Hmm. I guess I can keep on mumbling and complaining about everything here but it won't change anything though.

I need to preserve my sanity. Ciao!

p.s. Ain't the song sounded kind of cheesy? That's what I thought after I put the words from the song above. Well, what can I say. It suits the movie. And I guess it's just the singer's trademark too.

p.p.s. No offense, I'm not a big fan of the movie and the singer too. Just saying.

Time to nag

It's almost mid December already. I just can't believe how fast time flew and how I ignored my blog (again). Honestly, there's a lot of things happening in my life lately. Some of them even made me experience that adrenaline rush too. But not a good kind of adrenaline rush.

My clinical years has already started and I'm trying to find my pace in studying. Apparently, I can't seem to find it yet. Sleeping has become my favorite hobby for the moment. There's this one time I even slept for 12 freakin' hours. That's a huge 'wow' for me. But I need to break up with sleeping as soon as possible. It's taking my daily routine away from me and not to mention my life too.

Anyway, my sink was clogged since I'm back home. Kind of gross really. I tried pouring hot water but it just won't get back to normal. So I came to a conclusion that there's a dead frog (or a snake or a fat lizard or any amphibians that you can think of) inside my sink. But I was convinced by him that there's no such thing as a dead frog in a sink. (I still do think that there is though)

So I called the plumber yesterday and he successfully repaired the sink. A big yay for me. Now I can wash my face, brush my teeth and wudhu' at my sink. Yup, my bathroom doesn't have a decent sink in it. And I'm not fond of being in a bathroom for a long time. My fingers tend to wrinkle and then they'll look like it belongs to some old lady.

Whatever it is, I'm pretty sure if ever there is a dead frog in not only my sink but anybody else's sink too, it definitely wouldn't be this one cute frog below. I mean come on, who doesn't love Keroro?!

p.s. to you, safe flight home.

One and only

Happy belated birthday , Ma!

You know you are the coolest mom in the whole wide world!

p.s. I got you Plant vs Zombie cupcake. Hihi :)

p.p.s. credit to this website here.

Hi!

It has been almost 11 days since I arrived on this little island. I've had my series of unstable emotions, took the 4th year exams, currently waiting for 28th November to start my ENT department and I've just got my internet connection sorted out. Unfortunately, the 1st row of my keyboard is broken which means if I want to type, I need to use the on-screen keyboard. Equals to torture.

Anyway, I stumbled upon this photo. Isn't it a beauty? I swear to you if I have that much money, I'll be sure to order this custom made cutie right away! Hihi.

p.s. Do you know that qwerty keyboard was created because people tend to type too fast with the original keyboard? Seriously.

Sunkissed

Greetings from Mauritius! Here's a photo of us siblings having lots of fun getting our skin tanned most importantly. But I guess you guys figured out that it's not Mauritius really. To be exact, we were in Port Dickson, Negeri Sembilan. If you noticed there's my beloved dad back there. My mom, well she was the one who's taking our picture.

Anyway, last Saturday we went to Port Dickson to have a family day. Basically to have a decent picnic and barbecue and of course who doesn't love a beach with sand and the ocean? And thank goodness that the weather on that particular day wasn't that hot. It was just nice and quite windy. We arrived around 11 o'clock and by 2 p.m. the tide was already rising. Nevertheless, the tide didn't even bother the two little boys to still soak their bodies into that cool ocean. And voila, I have two little Indian boys as my younger brothers.

Talking about beaches, I know that almost everyone must have at least had a dream to go to Mauritius or maybe I'm the only one dreaming about it? But I don't think so. Then again, who wouldn't love the crystal white sandy beach with bright blue ocean?! And the sky, oh what should I say to describe the sky. Hmm. maybe you should just Google it out to have a better picture about what I'm talking about.

Last but not least, please don't mistakenly see the photo above as if I'm pooping out sand castle. Have a great day!

Something blue

Facebook is really something. For me, it's a place where I got to see my fellow school mates and maybe some of my high school friends; about what are they doing right now or how's life in other countries would be. Now, here comes the part which made me cuckoo sometimes. Well, maybe all the times. It hurts when they put up pictures about having some events and stuffs going on and you know, just having fun with your life as a student. But before that, this is a story about frustrations (is it?) or you can call it almost can't-wait-to-get-it-over-with feelings.

By being in boarding school for 5 years, almost every one that I knew who went to the same school as me, is currently studying in countries like Egypt, Australia, Japan, Korea, US or UK. Half of them graduated already. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, they are so lucky. And I'm super jealous with them.

Unlike them, I don't put up pictures (or maybe I did put up some) about my life in the country that I was offered to pursue medicine. I don't find living in that country as interesting as anything. No words can describe that feeling. Some might say something like "You'll get very enthusiastic when you first landed on any foreign country, but that feeling will eventually fade away". I mean really? I didn't even got excited even at the very first time we landed there. Hmm. Maybe I'm exaggerating or maybe I'm telling the truth. Who knows.

Anyway, why am I writing all this stuff up? Oh, now I remember. This is to remind me that by God's will I'll only have about 1+ year to endure this torture. No, I mean I'll get to finish my degree and become a medical doctor. If I were to describe how my final year of medicine would be, I'll say that it's like swimming into the ocean with fire and piranhas everywhere, sometimes there are sharks with metal saw-like teeth appears out of nowhere, and when it rains, there's only fire and more fire comes pouring down. Wow. That's a whole lot of expressions.

Last but not least, can you believe that at the end of my story I'll get to put the abbreviation 'Dr.' in front of my name? Okay, I can't lie to you but I am psyched about it. Hihi.

Superheros with their super powers

Have you ever imagine what the world would be like if every super heroes you knew came to live? Name a few like Superman, Ultraman, Spiderman, Batman, Catwoman, Wolverine, Professor X, Power Puff Girls, Sailormoon, Cardcaptor Sakura, Mystique (I love her!) and many more. Wouldn't it be a better and safer place for the earthlings? You know what they always want to do; they want to fight evil. Sometimes I really hope that there are super heroes among us for real.

I don't know about you, but the world that I'm living right now is full of sick people. I mean it literally and figuratively. Well, frankly I work and study in a hospital which means I see sick people every single day. When you are to go to the hospital 24/7, expecting to give your 100%, willing to sacrifice your precious time just to go and see your patient, which is some stranger whom is not that close to you, well I bet that you might get sick too. Okay, that's just a random babbling that you don't have to take it seriously.

Back to the main topic, this world is full of sick people. So sick that some times I do think that I might turn into a sociophobic. It terrifies me when I read or watch the news on the TV or internet. It makes me wonder why some people can become so evil such as that? I just can't seem to find the answer. Oh, by the way, I really hope that you could find out the word sick that I'm referring to by yourself. I'm not going to write those words that I'm not comfortable with to explain it.

If super heroes are for real, then we have a chance to make the world a better place. But firstly, they should form a committee or something like that. That way, they'll have their own way of jurisdiction and predicament. You know that, just like in every other fiction movies. Hmm. Wouldn't it be nice?

It might seem like I'm talking gibberish but just note that I really mean that super heroes thingy. Other than that, you can call it gibberish. My mind is in a haywire some times. Last but not least, yesterday was October 13th and have a great day ahead!

Childhood memories

I'm not a big fan of listening to the music. You see, even though I've got a quite good collection of songs in my computer and of course in my phone, I don't update them. Most of the songs that I have is the 90s or 2000 or maybe something in between that.

Nevertheless, I don't listen to music that often. Kind of boring don't you think? I don't know. Well, maybe. I just prefer the sounds of the nature. Although I knew here is not even close to something you call nature. And it's definitely not that I hate listening to good songs though. I enjoy listening to good music. It's just that I don't do it all the time.

Anyway, do you know that I used to grow up hearing songs by Scorpion? Yup. That uber popular rock band. Actually, it's because of my mom. She's a big fan of Scorpion even till now. Back then, when I was little my parents used to travel here and there. Because of how much my mom loves Scorpion, she tended to play the cassette over and over again all the time while traveling.

Guess what? Believe it or not, by the age of a decent toddler I could remember their songs and lyrics perfectly. I kind of memorized it subconsciously. I'm not lying to you. I went karaoke-ing some times before and randomly decided to sing a Scorpion song. Even I'm impressed of myself. I can sing those songs without even having to glimpse at the screen. It's like singing with all my heart. Okay, I'm exaggerating that last part. Hehe.

P.s. I thought maybe I should delete that music folder since I don't listen to it very much. Or will my computer get upset with me if I do that?
Powered by Telkomsel BlackBerry®

Asylum

Psychiatrists are the people who work at the asylum. Psychologists are the people who don't work at the asylum. Or commonly referred to as 'shrink'. At least that's what I thought so. If you have doubt about it just google it yourself.

What I'm saying is I'll never be neither of it. Part of it maybe because I don't think I can handle dealing with mentally unstable person. Another reason is because I don't think I can content my empathy. I might as well show too much of empathy and that's just not good for the doctor patient relationship.

Fyi, it's my last department for my 4th year. Which means this time, I'm really really half way there. Phew! Can you believe it? I can quite believe it either.

Anyway, my exam is just around the corner. Wish me luck!
Powered by Telkomsel BlackBerry®

Lights and sound

Actually, I'll only talk about sound. No lights required in this post. But it seems that both of it is inseparable in terms of grammatically speaking. That's why.

Let's just skip to the main point. Lately, I've figured out that I'm agoraphobic, acrophobic, claustrophobic and maybe slightly hematophobic. All thanks to psychiatric department. But that's not my point of writing this.

I have a random question. Have you ever happened to hear some detailed, creepy, keep-on-stuck-in-your-head-even-though-you-tried-hard-to-forget-it sound? Sadly, I did. Let me give examples so that you could figure out which freaks you out the most. (Not that I want to share these nightmares with you)

The sound of radioactive detector, komodo lizards, doors with rusty hinges, saws for medical purposes e.g. to amputate any limbs, drilling into the skull, dogs howling, wings flipping at night, that knocking sound which doesn't seem to stop, tap water dripping, critical patient's monitor (the one that you see in movies where there's just a flat line in the end) and the sound of emptiness. I can keep going on and on with this list but let's just say that it's enough really.

So, what say you?

Oh, I have something else to say. You know what, I've got my MMPI test back. The results were kind of interesting. I promise to write about it very soon. I bet it won't bore you till the end.

Till then, happy Sunday!
Powered by Telkomsel BlackBerry®

Little less

Dearest family and friends in Malaysia,

I'm wishing a Happy Eid Mubarak to all of you. Don't forget to save some duit raya for me! I'll claim them when I'm back in early October. There's one more thing that I would love to request, can you guys save all that savory-mouth-watering food from raya? I've had dreams about those food so frequently lately. That's how much I miss them. True story. But I know that if ever you guys did that, the food would probably be stale by the time I got home right? So why don't we have another 1st day of raya for me? There's no harm in trying to do so isn't it? Hehe.

Anyway, I got a picture of me here. (I know you missed me too, that's why) Look at the poster behind me. It's a girl in baju kurung and a boy in baju melayu. Can you believe that?! Yup, I knew I can't believe my eyes either. To make it clear, the photo was taken when I'm still in this country.

Have a great raya!

Love,

Sarah

p.s. that's what a festive post card should be. ;)

Season in the sun?

Back in school years, I was neither a famous kid because she's cute nor because she's brilliant. I was just an average boarding school student. But as the time went by, I guess somehow I grew matured enough till today. Or at least that's what I thought.

This weird thing about reality is that it functions like the gravitational force. Once you're in the safest spot on (or outside) the earth, then out of nowhere there comes the shocking reality. As for me reality wasn't being very nice to me lately. I was kind of hoping that my reality would tasted like honey or maple syrup. Or at least it should smell like cinnamon.

Just as any other regular people, I do have dreams and hopes. In fact, I love planning even though I'll jinx it later. I plan everything. You name it, from planning about what to wear tomorrow, or what to eat for lunch for the weekends, or even where will I be in 5 or 10 years time. That's pretty much about it.

Planning is a good thing for sure. But if you plan and reality just came crushing your every plans every time, that's just not good at all. That's when I subconsciously learned the word giving up. Nevertheless, I'm proud to say that I'm mastering the art of giving up very much. I might as well get a PhD for it.

Now I take back what I said about being matured enough. Yay for me! :)

p.s. oh, this is so public.

Good food

I knew that in my previous post I mentioned about putting up pictures from my digital camera. Sadly, there's some technical error with the camera. I don't know whether I can retrieve those good pictures (or I think so) or not. 

Nonetheless, thanks to Facebook because this one is from there. Well, there's still a lot of other pictures but if I put all of them right here then it'll be like redundant of pictures. 

Malaysian Batch of 2007 (L-R)

Girls: Razan, Rosa, Aaina, Me, Aimi, Ain, Hazierah, Nabilah, Mahfuzah, Ummi

Boys: Hafiz, Tauhid, Azman, Arifin, Izzuddin, Khalis

Shah, Hawairy, Syafiq Aizat, Firdaus, Fahim, Izzuddin

Wow! I can remember names. Lol. Anyways, my holidays are coming to an end. I've been spending my precious time by watching Hell's Kitchen back to back. I'm loving series related to food in the mean time while waiting for How I Met Your Mother, Grey's Anatomy, The Big Bang and Castle come out. But the most delicious and savory food series would be Man Vs Food! The runner-up is a tie between Hell's Kitchen and Masterchef. I can't make up my mind yet because there's just too much of drama.

I hope you guys have a wonderful day ahead!

Not really an update

I promise to update a.s.a.p. about Raya and stuff because at the mean time my camera's USB cable is with someone. I guess pictures are better than words in terms of celebrations right? :)

Cerita Raya

So Hari Raya Aidilfitri 2011 is tomorrow! I bet everyone must be busy as a bee completing or finishing up whatnot for Raya. Leaving me alone in this boring room, lying down while trying to figure out the plans for tomorrow.

Well actually, I was quite excited for tomorrow. I woke up early this morning as if I'm going to work today. But with that Raya spirit. Then I thought that I should start cooking stuffs for tomorrow right away. My plan was to get the moist chocolate cake done, then only I'll cook the chicken rendang and kuah kacang. For the night I'll get the nasi impit ready and if I'm still not sleepy yet I'll try the fruit trifle recipe. In other words, the full course meal for tomorrow was almost well executed.

Unfortunately, on my half way through making the most delicious moist chocolate cake, where I've placed everything that should be mixed into the pot, I suddenly forgot that I have no soda bicarbonate in my shelves. I guess that spirit was still burning so I put aside the pot and decided to make kuah kacang and chicken rendang instead. I don't know if I may sound a bit arrogant (sounding like as if I'm a pro in the kitchen) but my mom always tells me that she simply throw everything into a pot and voila! Miracle happens. Sometimes I like to imitate her way.

So before I could get the kuah kacang and chicken rendang, there comes the biggest part of all. The peeling and blending (and crying) tonnes of red onions, garlic, ginger and lengkuas. Since I don't have any blender, I need to use lesung batu instead. You can imagine that in the end I got my wrist sprained by using it. -___-

Well, that's it. That's the only thing that I managed to do so far. When I took a rest from whatever I was doing back then suddenly there's this weird feeling approaching from nowhere. I know that it's kind of lame to put this down, but it made me burst into tears. I'm homesick. No matter what I try to cook, dress, eat or even breathe it won't feel the same like when I'm back at home with my family. I thought I can get through it. Believe it or not I haven't heard any Raya songs for almost 1 month (and never intend to do so). It's not that I don't like Raya songs, it's just that I simply knew that Raya songs will break me a lot faster. Even if I didn't listen to any of the songs it already made me sad.

And there goes my Raya eve story. I'm left with a half-way-there chocolate cake, various blended onions and bucket full of tears. What about you?

The most beautiful

Can you believe that we're already on the last 10 nights of Ramadhan? Which means there's no time to waste on these such beautiful nights. Some says that it's the time where some of us will meet with the laylatul qadr. This is overwhelming. For a commoner like me whom with no such talent to write, I'm just speechless. If I were to be asked about it then there are no words to describe this particular feeling.

I'm hoping that all of us will grab this opportunity and never to let it waste. May we will be blessed and forgiven for all our sins. InshaAllah.

p.s. I stumbled upon this picture here when i randomly tumblelog hopping (that's just what I do). Anyway, it's Ramadhan 2011 in Makkah!

Rainbow-ed

It's Lauren Conrad's rainbow hair! Awesome.
Powered by Telkomsel BlackBerry®

Of telur masin and kicap kipas udang

Supposedly, I would like to say 'Wow, that's a lot of food!' but it seems that those 4 pictures are just not enough. My actual plan was to find every single pictures of me with food in it but you know my collection of pictures, well, they turned me down. I don't take pictures with food. It's either I don't eat a lot or I don't find food as an accessory for a picture or I'm not good in taking pictures. You're free to choose any of the options above. :)

For that is not my main point of writing this time. As we all know Sunday would be the last day of Syaaban which also means that it's the day for moon sighting. And most probably on Monday, all Muslims in the world would start their first day of fasting in the month of Ramadhan.

I'm just saying that I miss having telur masin and kicap for sahur.

Anyways, may the month of Ramadhan brings lots of barakah and blessings to all of us. Maybe it's the time for us to muhasabah and learn our mistakes in the past. Maybe it's the time for us to change.

Baby doll

Sing me to sleep
Sing me to sleep
I'm tired and I
I want to go to bed

Sing me to sleep
Sing me to sleep
And then leave me alone

Don't try to wake me in the morning
'Cause I will be gone
Don't feel bad for me
I want you to know
Deep in the cell of my heart
I will feel so glad to go

Sing me to sleep
Sing me to sleep
I don't want to wake up
On my own anymore

Sing to me
Sing to me
I don't want to wake up
On my own anymore

Don't feel bad for me
I want you to know
Deep in the cell of my heart
I really want to go

Sing me to sleep
Sing me to sleep

There is another world
There is a better world
Well, there must be
There must be

There is another world
There is a better world
Powered by Telkomsel BlackBerry®

Oh Audrey

"Pick the day. Enjoy it – to the hilt. The day as it comes. People as they come. The past, I think, has helped me appreciate the present – and I don't want to spoil any of it by fretting about the future."

- Audrey Hepburn, was one of the most successful film actresses in the world and a passionate humanitarian.

Powered by Telkomsel BlackBerry®

Don't u know?

Powered by Telkomsel BlackBerry®

Major distraction

Sometimes, well most of the time I always thought that I'm having some disease that apparently haven't been discovered yet. Sometimes I even came to some weird diagnosis that I made myself which obviously not accurate at all. Name various diseases from common infection, systemic and tumors (oh and not to mention cancers) are some of the diseases which I thought that I might be suffering from.

I guess me myself is twisted after all. Whenever I think of those stuff I'll eventually think of my death day. About how will my last hours be. Would I be in severe pain that everything doesn't matter anymore or when the time comes I might be sleeping soundly like a baby or maybe I'll go coma then pass away. Twisted, I know. That's why I said that I might be suffering from something.

Who knows it might not be as twisted as you think. Maybe it's just me and my curious mind. Maybe I'm preparing for the worst which (might be) yet come. I can't just hope for only butterflies and rainbows to happen all the time. Life is full of both sad and happy things. Or maybe I'm just too messed up with this medical studies and reached the climax where I'm going cuckoo at some point.

Hmm. That's what I do. I think a lot. Very much. Most of the time I just keep the thoughts to myself. There are times where it even made my head feels like exploding. For centuries I told myself not to keep this weird habit but unfortunately I just can't let this one precious bad habit go. I've been thinking that maybe I need some distractions. Preferably distractions that can bring major impact. Things that can keep me off my twisted mind for a while.

Powered by Telkomsel BlackBerry®

Remember remember

Powered by Telkomsel BlackBerry®

What would you do?

I'm so in love with Castle. First of all because of Castle's fun and childish character (well not to mention that he has a very nice house and pretty cool stuffs like the light saber and the laser tag thingy and the Ferrari!) and second of all because of the pretty detective Kate Beckett! Omg she's sooooo pretty I just can't resist not to stare at her the whole time I'm watching Castle.

Regarding the title it's actually 'What would you do if you won a million dollars?'. But of course in Islam we are prohibited to such thing as playing the lottery and gambling so I just want to change the question to 'What would you do if you receive a million dollars?'. Let's just say that you gain the money in a good way not in bad way like stealing or bullying and etc.

If I were to have a million dollars, I would buy a house by the beach so that I can see the sunset everyday. Something like the one in the Full House (Korean drama if you don't know what I'm referring to). But preferably a bigger house to put my whole family. And big enough so that it would be a perfect accommodation for raya and all family gathering stuff. I'd love to decorate the house the way that I want it to be. Well the rooms I'll just leave it to each of my family members to deal with.

I'll make sure that most of the furnitures and households are from IKEA. I'm not the kind of person who would go for something traditional so there's no such thing as Balinese or Javanese concept and etc. Personally, the very first section that I would want to set up is the kitchen. It's the heart of the house! I'll make sure that my kitchen has everything that it needs to function at the maximum expectation. This would be fun!

Oh, the rest of the section can wait. If I'm lazy enough, I would just ask my private interior designer a.k.a. my respectful Mom to have a thought about it. She's one of a kind; the one who would know where and when to change the position of the furnitures and moves the furnitures by herself. She's a SuperMom! Hehe.

Wow, these thoughts made me go crazy already. I even forgot to think what to do with the rest of the money. Lol! I'll continue working on my list later. Need to daydream about my dream house. Bye.

The beginning

Day one in Dermatology department was quite challenging if you asked me. We were scheduled to go to the Pusat Latihan Kusta Nasional which located 40 minutes away from my home. As usual, they asked us to be there by 7.30 a.m. but the event only started at around 9 a.m. What made it challenging was because we needed to lend our eyes and ears to hear and absorb the talk (or should I say lecture) about Morbus Hansen or Leprae or common people know it as kusta. Luckily they did provide us with brunch, lunch and high tea. Food brings joy to people you know:)

Anyway, I'm not going to blab about that. It's about something else. Something which can't be separated from girls, women or shall I say ladies. It's about fashion. I've been developing this kind of habit of stalking hijab fashion bloggers since ages and ages before. (I'm just too shy to admit it) I guess I don't need to list the fashionistas because I bet their names are all over the internet. Even if I'm going to make a list, it'll be like a million foot long. Everyone will end up sighing and worst yet, never want to read my blog ever again. Well I hope not.

I've been admiring those girls who wear pretty dresses, gorgeous shoes, handbags and all those stuff but still they manage to put on their hijab elegantly. They way they can mix and match the clothings and accessories made me envy every bit of their life. They are beautiful and confident people. And most of all, they look pretty all the time!

Hmm. God how I wish I could be like them.

Pretty perfect

Before we jump to the post title, I just want to mention that I love Wikipedia regardless how unreliable it is. They use simple words so that for people like me it kind of making it easier to digest whatever they're trying to explain. Because you know medical books make me dizzy sometimes (well, most of the time when I tried to read it actually). And of course it comes with a big but; BUT I do still read other references so don't worry because no matter how much I love reading Wikipedia, I won't believe 100% what they say until I found reliable resources to support their explanation. Okay, full stop and let's go to our main topic.

So, it was the freakin Friday! And who doesn't love a Friday, right?! I spent my precious Friday by watching the sunset. Hehe. It may sound a bit cheesy but seriously, if you haven't tried it just give it a chance. It won't be as cheesy as you think. For me, I haven't watched he sunset for like centuries (exaggerating part). Well, I've been in Paediatrics department and then I got busy and the there's no more sunset time for me:(

Okay okay, I'll stop whining and let's just admire this one beautiful picture of the sunset. Hmm. How soothing right?

Look! The sun is setting already!
Well I haven't had any decent dinner ever since Paediatrics department ended. So I guess why not now. I just assumed that it was a victory dinner as I've successfully ended those 10 tiring weeks.
There's the food! I decided to try out the barbecue set. It's the first time for me to get to eat with wok on the dining table! (so kampung, I know). Sadly, the fire on the stove didn't seemed to stay put. We needed to call the waitress several times to light it up again.
Other than that it was fine. Just take a look at our fat and sleepy faces! Haha.

down the drain

So, I've finished with my Paediatrics examination = freedom!!:) However, let me share with you what I've been through all those days and months in this particular department.

First of all, I always thought that things will get better whenever Friday shows up. As usual, I love Friday. Friday means a happy face for me. But just so you know, here in this department, Friday doesn't mean anything. It's just another boring day just like Monday or Tuesday or Wednesday and so on and so forth.

And on my fourth week, I needed to stay in this hospital below which located outside of Makassar. Did I mentioned I need to glue my butt in this hospital for one whole week? Yes, that's the main point.

Well at least they provide us with a (not so) decent bed. Right?! (Both Anis and I had a chronic back pain since our first night sleeping in it)

This is Anis' stuffs. Yes, pink is her lover. She even carried her toothbrush every where even when she needed to follow up her patients. Haha. Just kidding.

Vandalism. Enough said. But ma, you don't have to worry because neither of us engraved our names on any of the furnitures in the hospital. We do still have our sanity intact.

So during weekdays (when the polyclinic is open) one of us needed to sit on that long bench and do the usual stuff (blood pressure, pulse rate, breathing rate, temperature and a wee bit of history taking). Same old boring stuff.

Whenever there's a baby delivered by storks (I mean seriously?), the nurses will alert both of us and therefore we need to walk to the other side of the hospital to evaluate the tiny creature with what they called Apgar score.

Sometimes, I thought how lame my life was. If you're trying to peek through my phone there'll only be medical pictures and tables like this one above. Sorry to break your heart but you can't get anything more than that. Oh, except for this one above. This was the very first day of my Perinatology subdivision (8 days and 7 nights in the NICU) where I got to be the class leader for the whole week. I kept this picture to see the difference before and after I finished with peri. I'm supposed to put up the 'after' picture but sadly, it was extremely hideous. Trust me. Hmm. I still miss my own me.

Here's my poor baby. I almost (almost but not yet) cried because the parent's were so poor that they can't even provide clothes and blanket for the baby. I needed to steal some of the other baby's formula milk to feed him. He's sick but because the father can't afford to pay any more so he was brought home after only 4 days in the NICU. I have no idea what will happen to him. I'm just hoping that he'll be fine.

In the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) each of us needed to take care of one babies. However, since I was the God-knows-how-I-can't-be-a-leader leader plus because nobody listen to whatever I said, I needed to take care of 2 babies at the same time. Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating about how hard to take care of 2 babies at the same time. Fine. But it is tough! I had no idea how much patience should I gain before being able to raise my own baby. But it's still a very long way to go. Let's just skip that part.

Anyway, I'm done with it! Bye Bye Paediatrics Department. :)

When it's over

It has been a while since I updated my blog. I've been trying to find some time to spend for it but sadly I have none. Most of the time when I'm at home I'll sleep! Hehe. I need my beauty sleep of course.

Anyway, believe it or not I'm already in the 9th week of Pediatrics Department. Which means I have approximately 1 week left to study and face the exam and it will finally come to the end! Can't wait for it to happen!

I promise you that my post after this I'll tell you stories and put up pictures that I got through out the weeks. There are just a lot to tell. So be ready and just wait for it! :)
Powered by Telkomsel BlackBerry®

Bespectacled

Powered by Telkomsel BlackBerry®

Dedicated to you

Hi Ma! I know that you’ve been such a big fan of my blog. Hehe. Anyway, it’s Mother’s Day. And as always, I’m a million miles away from you. Here’s my plan to celebrate it with you.

Firstly, I’d like to make these one for you. It looks extremely delicious right! Plus the heart-shaped pancakes. Hehe. I know it seems like cheesy but just let it be for this time of the year. Everybody get the licenses to be all cheesy and cliché for celebrating Mother’s Day.

I might as well give you this box full of mouthwatering chocolates. But don't get me wrong. I'm not sabotaging your diet regime. Anyway, you jog once a week. I guess that would do. You won't feel guilty after having this one.

Actually, I'm planning to give you an ecard. But there's none that I found interesting. I wouldn't want to give you a card full with flowers everywhere. You'll call me a minah bunga afterwards. But if I got a chance to make a card for it'll look like this one below.

Oh, and as I've ben browsing through the net, I've googled 'mother's day gifts' and of all the tempting gifts, I found these two super amazing! But this sewing machine, I'm not sure if it can multitask as you always want. But I bet it can do many things already. And that pink mixer is just awesome! If I'm really going to buy it for you I'll pick that colour for sure!! Hehe. Nice what. Other than encouraging you to make lots and lots of delicious cakes and desserts. (cough)

I'm telling you a secret. If I’m not a doctor I’ll be the next Martha Stewart! And you’ll be featured in most of my shows! Especially the cooking, craft and art segment. And we'll be famous for it!! :)

I love you, Ma. You are the coolest mom in the whole wide world! Thanks for everything.

"I remember my mother's prayers and they have followed me. They have clung to tell me all my life." - Abraham Lincoln

Something that we have in common

If you're a super hero what kind of super power would you wish to have? I bet you must've heard and answered the question right?

Of all super heroes that they have in the world, I guess the Marvel's has the best and coolest super power. But it doesn't mean that I simply underestimated other fictions like Power Puff Girls or Thunder Cat. They're cool too!

My all time favorite super hero would be Mystique from X-Men! She has the coolest super power ever! And not to mention that she's hot! Hehe.

Well, I kind of fall into her mysterious super power. I always want to be a shapeshifter. Let's say when I work late and need to take a public transport in a very late evening. Wouldn't it be safer to shape shift myself to a granny with a walking stick. That way no one will ever try to disturb me. Haha. Or let's say that the doctors are being grumpy and throwing tantrums everywhere. I'll simply shape shift myself to a gangster-looking big bike rider with tattoo in both arms. Cool right? That way no one can mess with me!

Hmm. I want to be a shapeshifter so bad. Sigh. Anyway, notice how many exclamation points I've used? Hehe. I just love fictions so much!!:)
Powered by Telkomsel BlackBerry®

Points to ponder

I'm making a list of things that I should get familiar with; words in English instead of in this place's mother tongue.
1. Blood pressure
2. Hand sanitizer
3. Patients
4. Wards
5. Daily fluid needs
6. Body weight
7. Injection
8. Admitted
9. Shock
10. Main complaint

You might be wondering how they say all of the things above in their language. Well, here goes..
1. Tensi
2. Antis (short form for antiseptik)
3. Pasbar (short form for pasien baru)
4. Bangsal (yes, they call wards as bangsal. And it really looks like bangsal you know)
5. Kebutuhan cairan
6. Berat badan (well, they are so lazy so they just say BB as in BeBe)
7. Suntik
8. Opname
9. Renjatan
10. Keluhan utama

I should give a big slap in the face if I accidentally slip those stupid words from this mouth. Seriously!
Powered by Telkomsel BlackBerry®

Fairy tale

Congratulations to the prince and princess!! I want to live in a fairy tale too. But if I have a castle it would be like this one. Hehe.
Powered by Telkomsel BlackBerry®

Hmm

Powered by Telkomsel BlackBerry®

Life as we know it

Tomorrow would be my very first official holiday since I've entered Pediatrics Department. In other words no work and on-calls for Friday. It's a great news because I haven't had any break since it began. And for that, I'm sorry for not spending much time to write to my dearest blog. I've tried to find the time to write but whenever I got the chance to do so I prefer resting a.k.a. sleeping. Yes, I haven't had enough sleep too. Pity me.
I'm writing tonight just to make several things clear. A couple of days back I posted something about quitting medicine. I know that it's not a nice thing to say. But I just need to admit that I do feel that way from time to time. It's not the medicine itself that is hard. I can cope with that complicated science, all the organs, hormones, drugs, etc. Just so you know, studying medicine here in this country; it is real hard.
Entering the practical years is exciting at first. But since all I get to everyday is 1) check the blood pressure 2) check the body temperature 3) pulse rate and 4) respiratory rate all day and night, it became tiresome and such a waste of time. And guess what? We (practical medical students) need to do that for the whole 2 years. Not to mention that we do have on-calls. Which sometimes (actually most of the time) I feel ridiculous. We need to stay back in the hospital just to check all that 4 things I've mentioned above. By the way, did you know that those things that we need to do can be done by a nurse? Yes, a nurse.
Most of the time I feel jealous with other medical students whom studying in a much better university. They get to go to lectures, get a proper discussion, learn bed side teaching, master the basic theory of medicine, don't get to do stuff whom only a kuli would do, get scolded for things that you don't know because no one ever taught you and you never even got the chance to study because you've always occupied for doing ridiculous unnecessary stuff like writing paper works for doctors, go and collecting the urine and poop sample to the lab (which obviously are not our job todo so) and so much more that you can never think of. No wonder that the medical graduates from this country are always discriminated when they got back home.
I'm tired. Mentally and physically. Call me weak but I tell you what. I've been coping with it for more than you ever thought. I need to be understood by others. Yes I said something bad but just be considerate. I'm trying hard to keep holding on.
Powered by Telkomsel BlackBerry®

Hard core

They said that the Pediatrics Department would be the toughest one for fourth year students. And here I am. Today would be my first day for it. Wish me a lot of lucks. I just can't wait to finish this one.

P.s. Positive
Powered by Telkomsel BlackBerry®

Soup for the soul

So I went to have a grocery shopping the other day. And he told me that I should start eating real food instead. Well I'm not really sure about fake food because I thought of all these times I did eat real food. How come there's fake food? But never mind then. Anyway, I prep these stuff below. Can you guess what I'm trying to make?

With salt and some herbs it magically turned into this one below.

It looks and smells delicious!

When I'm done eating it then I suddenly remembered that wouldn't it be a lot nicer if I made myself an omelette too? Hmm. Maybe next time.

p.s. I really really love holidays. I get to cook and eat and sleep and have my self at ease all the time.

PB & J

I've started to cook again! Well yesterday I made these savory baked potatoes. Thanks to anis since she’s the one who did it first. And I get to invent a new recipe using what I have left in the kitchen.There’s nothing much in it really. Basically, it’s just chicken slice, onions, eggs, salt and pepper. See I told you. But it is yummy enough you know.

And for this morning I made nasi lemak!

Didn't it look delicious?! But you know what? I only eat those below without the sambal (obviously). LOL.

I'm not a big fan of anything spicy. Not that because after I ate anything spicy my face would turn fiery red instantly.

Last but not least, I decided to put up a picture of me.

p.s. I'm not a narcist. It's just a picture for my mom and dad to see how their beloved daughter had been doing. I am pretty as always right? :p

p.p.s. And fyi, I haven't gain much weigh yet.

5 simple rules for happiness

1. Free your heart from hatred
2. Free your mind from worries
3. Live simply
4. Give more
5. Expect less

P.s. I need to be happy.
Powered by Telkomsel BlackBerry®

The biggest breakup

It is finally and officially over! I just can’t believe that I’m breaking up with Internal medicine (not for good of course). It was like my first love. I hope I won’t forget him. I really didn’t mislead you guys into thinking about something else am I right? Just to be clear, I wish that everything that I had gained during all those weeks is saved in my long-term memory. It'll be my preparation for the upcoming real-doctor life afterwards. I need to be prepared.

Anyway, here’s a list of things (negative things) that I did back then when I was in Internal medicine department:

1. panic, panic, panic! (I mean like seriously?)
2. procrastinate
3. swear words (and loads of it. Sigh)
4. always ungrateful
5. comparing with others and get really really unsatisfied with
6. blaming others
7. get too emotional and as a result of being so full of emotions is…cry. I don’t want to be a cry baby anymore (do you think I can changed that? I might be able to say that out loud but I don’t think I can. LOL.)
8. complaining about every single thing that didn't quite come to my satisfaction
9. bad interpersonal relationship with friends and doctors. Which later lead to unavoidable miscommunication. Hmm. I know that 99% of the fault came from myself.
10. last but not least, I've thought about giving up soooo many times already.

I need to meditate. I need to improve myself. I need to throw away all those stuff above for good. I need to be better. And gain 10kg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

p.s. my English is terrible. That’s the reason why I always put up my post in English. I hope you guys don’t mind. And forgive me if I did any grammar mistakes. I’m trying to improve here! Peace :)

p.p.s. practice makes perfect you know.

I’m stardust!

“Every atom in your body came from a star that exploded. And, the atoms in your left hand probably came from a different star that your right hand. It really is the most poetic thing I know about physics: You are all stardust. You couldn't be here if stars hadn’t exploded, because the elements – the carbon, nitrogen, oxygen, iron, all the things that matters for evolution and for life – weren't created at the beginning of time. They were created in the nuclear furnaces of stars, and the only way for them to get into your body is if those stars were kind enough to explode. So, forget Jesus . The stars died so that you could be here today.”

-Lawrence Krauss

p.s. oh, I promise not to blab about me being emotional ever again.

p.p.s. I bet this Lawrence Krauss must be someone whose faith and belief is somewhat different than us. Forgive me about that line that I made. It was an attempt to keep the original quote and at the same time trying not to offend others.

Despicable me

It's hard to live by someone who will eventually cause your break down of the century. Name it your friend, best friend, enemy, family, teacher, lover or just anybody that you can think of. It's just hard. Well, maybe not. Some might say that it's the best opportunity to learn and improve yourself from those people. They'll hurt you like hell but in the end, when you finally reached some point in your life then you're gonna be finally satisfied. Satisfied that after all this time in your life you've endured too much of the pain and all that one day you won't even bother about it anymore. Because you faced it enough already that it made you a stronger person for this cruel world.

As people keep on saying stuffs like that to me, can I just say this one time? It's just BS. Call me a coward but I don't think I can face that cold hard reality. And I never want to give it a try. Now, can you figure out what in the world that I do when I come to face that situation? I will try to run and avoid as possible as I could. Yup. That's just me. Sigh.

P.s sorry if I ever avoided you. Yes, you. Because some things are just meant to be.

P.p.s (chicken)
Powered by Telkomsel BlackBerry®

It's nothing, really.

My short term goal would be trying hard to be a cam whore! LOL. Well I've tried really but usually I'll delete 9 of 10 pictures that I took. Or maybe I'll just delete them all. I mean every single of it. One by one. Until there's nothing left. Till the memory card is empty. Okay, I guess I've made it clear enough already.

But now I'm just so desperate to change all of my profile pictures! Which means I need new and fresh ones. And loads and loads of them. Hmm.

Anyway, here's a picture of me. As you can see it's my attempt to be like Hana Tajima. Yes, I am a sucker for her style. I don't know why but I found her to be very pretty.

p.s. let me say this out loud if you just so kind enough for not saying it. I know you might say something like 'You really think that you can look pretty like her if you wear like that ah?!'. Right??

p.p.s but I don't mind. Hehe :)

p.p.p.s. and please forgive my dull and tired face. I'm not a cam whore yet. I'll learn to find the right angle and all. I'll improve you know!! Haha.

Voice of a nightingale

I am bound to Chritina's Bound To You. Yes, I am currently in love with the song. I don't know (and don't even care) whether the lyrics do imply on my life or not. But one thing for sure is that she has a great voice (duhh!!). If only I can be like her.

Just so you know I love spending time thinking about silly questions and trying hard to find the answer for it. Sometimes I tried to find the logic and science to relate to it.

Let me give you an example. Let's say that vampires feed on blood and the get to stay alive for infinity. Now can you explain to me what's with blood? What does blood have that it can keep a vampire alive for that long time? Especially when they always bite on the main arteries and that means that they feed on oxyhemoglobin(erm, really? Never mind). But when you literally eat blood it will be digested by your stomach acid. And leaves you what? Hematin? Mm. I'm going to figure out more about it.

But for the mean time I don't think that it can be related to science. You might say that blood and vampires are creepy little things which are bound by black magic (and spells, and jinx, and voodoo etc). See. No science at all. Hmmph. Fine.

Anyway, let's just leave it behind. I'll explain about it later when I got the perfect scientific explanation for that. Now let's move on to my other question. The vocal chords give you your voice. Can someone be a great singer when she got herself a surgery to the vocal chords? (Regardless the side effects to the nerves and blood supplies, and other stuffs related okay?). Do you think that it is possible?

P.s. Don't try too hard to find the answer. They are just ridiculous enough already. I know.

P.p.s. I wear size 8 shoes. I have a giant pair of feet. I am weird.
Powered by Telkomsel BlackBerry®

I want a hell of laughter

Lately my life is like living under a crooked bridge. I tend to get very insecure and hopeless. It seems like I'm only waiting for the whole bridge to fall down on me.

Okay maybe I should just stop yapping about how sad it is. I should get a grip and move on with my life regardless what will happen next. Just endure a little bit more.

Anyway, that's not the point of my recent post. Actually, I found this picture while randomly tumblr-hopping the other day. Well, frankly it's kind of weird for me to like it. Especially there's a kid in the picture.(Yes. You should know this one thing about me that I'm NOT a big fan of babies and kids!) But I found it very super duper cute and adorable. It kind of remind me of my littler brother too. Hmm. I miss home.


Powered by Telkomsel BlackBerry®

Fun

I wish I could do this.

Powered by Telkomsel BlackBerry®